Our six-year old (the original inspiration for Bambino Goodies) has people-pleasing inclinations. She likes to follow the rules (not a bad thing in the main) and she worries that little too much about upsetting people by saying no or being honest. We’ve been gradually helping her to build up her assertive skills and I was thrilled when author, children’s yoga teacher and occupational therapy assistant, Amy M. Starkey, reached out to me about her new self-published book, The Little Girl Who Lost Her “NO”.
As an ex people pleaser, I’m keen to empower my daughters with healthy self-esteem. It’s important for our children to treat and regard themselves as worthwhile and valuable people, and this involves employing healthy use of ‘No’. As adults, many of us have already learned the hard way, that if we run around saying yes to everyone, we habitually end up saying no to ourselves.
I cried the first time I read the book as I recognised myself in its pages. Amy has astutely stepped into the shoes of a young girl and brought her feelings and concerns to life, using situations that your child will relate to. The little girl loves to do things for her parents and teachers, but also finds herself saying yes to bullies and friends when she really doesn’t want to. She feels deeply conflicted. She keeps saying yes because she doesn’t want to upset the people in question.
This sweet tale charts that little girl’s journey from erupting with upset, to the lessons she learns, and shows strong examples of how she faced these challenges and found her “NO” again. My daughters loved it (they didn’t have a weep like me though) and they talk about the story almost every day. It has such a clear message about respecting oneself through boundaries and about how loving and liking isn’t about telling people what they want to hear, and yet it’s not remotely preachy and children will root for the character, because really, they’re rooting for themselves.
It has some questions at the back and it’s a wonderful springboard for talking about feelings, how to handle situations assertively, and it also helps your child to open up about situations that they may not have previously understood. If you’ve been a pleaser, it will suddenly make sense to you about why you do some of the things that you do as an adult – helping out on a spelling test can easily become an adult who does other people’s work. Struggling to say no to bullies and friends can easily turn into the same thing as an adult and result in not having boundaries.
A wonderful must-read for children and adults alike, The Little Girl Who Lost Her “NO” is available through Amazon.
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